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A Look Into Religion from a Homosexual
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By: Kylah
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I was driving home tonight and I just started thinking about my life
and religion and the whole debate about homosexuality being a choice.
For those of you who don't know, for over 4 years I debated and begged
God to take away homosexuality from me. It was always something that
bothered me, and I wanted nothing more than to be "normal". I felt
so...ugly and ashamed of myself, my feelings, and my thoughts. I
wanted to get them out of me, because I was going to a school that was
Christian, and had been raised to believe that homosexuality was a sin
and wrong.
So many nights I went to sleep sobbing because I would have thoughts,
impulses, etc and they would not go away. I begged God to take them
away and they never went away.
It makes me so angry to hear people, ignorant people (ignorant meaning
that they are not aware, nor can they be made aware of certain things)
who say that homosexuals are choosing to be this way, that they can be
straight if they want to, but don't because they like the attention.
They just can't understand it. I try not to judge them for their
ignorance, but it's hard.
I know many people fight the impulses and the urges. And some of them
even get married and live a "normal" life. And to a degree, I think,
they are happy. But I just know that when I finally came out to
myself, I was happier (and sadder too I guess) for it.
And to those people who say that it is a choice, I wish I could show
you my side of the fence. Give you some of my understanding.
And so far as religion goes I can only say the following:
I grew up knowing that God was the person who created the world, and
everything in it. That He loved me no matter what and just wanted me
to accept His rules and acknowledge that He was indeed God. He knew
that I was going to sin, He knew that I would keep sinning. But He
also gave me a way out, a "get out of jail free card" as it were. That
all I had to do, was accept Him and ask for Him to forgive me and
everything would be right again.
But above all else, what I learned was that God loved me for who I
was, despite the flaws and my own nature.
In my mind, God made me gay and that's just that. But God also accepts
me for who I am. And even if being gay is a sin, which I don't think
it is, but that's not my call, He will forgive me.
I can't imagine a god who would create me like this only to see me
miserable and suffering my whole life as I fought against myself. That
He would make me this way, only to leave me alone without another
partner to help with the burden of life.
No, ladies and gentlement, I don't believe that being gay is a choice,
nor do I believe it is a sin.
And even if it is a sin, it's something that you (anyone) need to be
concerned with. I am the only one that can make my own peace with God.
Not you. And telling me that I am going to hell, that I am evil, a
wicked person means you are doing the wrong thing. Love, love your
enemy, love your friend, love those who can't love themselves. Yes,
show your views, yes emplore everyone to accept God into their heart,
yes do not waiver in your faith, but do not judge. Do not condem. No
one person, I say again: not one person on earth has that right.
And from the Pope to the man on death row, all of us will be judged
for our sins.
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