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Thoughts on Being Gay
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By: Christopher
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You ever look around and just wonder why? People are all different,
walking through the halls of your school, you have to know that
everyone has secrets. Everybody hides a part of themselves. Yes, it's
hard to deal with being different. Different is dreaded, in a culture
where originality is regarded as something to be mocked or hated. How
do you handle being different?
Now, I'm not in the best place to give advice, but hopefully for
people who are as confused as I am, this might help, or at least help
them know that everyone struggles with their identity from time to
time. It's a rare person or a liar that says they know exactly who and
what they are. I'm bi. Or open-minded. Or whatever it is you would
choose to call it. I just know that I am attracted to girls and guys,
pretty much equally, so I guess that would be my label, if I were to
be "labeled".
I always think as I'm walking the halls, who else feels this way? I
don't really know any kids at my school that are out, though I know
there are a couple people... but I think the fear is the initial coming
out. When people talk. Rumours are a bastard. You want to think that
your friends will respect you always, regardless of your differences.
People can be somewhat less than tolerant, especially of sexual
orientation. How do you hang out with your male friends and talk about
girls non-stop when you really don't know what to say if you're gay?
It's the pressure to fit in, and it can be overwhelming.
You have to decide what's more important, being true to yourself or
hiding your identity just to fit in? It's a fine line. Assuming you
are at a school or environment that is less than tolerant, it's a
matter of keeping safe. I've never been bullied, but I know it's a
fairly common occurrence, and one that I'm sure would be greatly
aggravated by being gay. I can see how it would be in someone's best
interest to not come out, due to societal pressures. However I think
in the end, you would probably be happier with yourself if you were
honest and open, and once you get past the initial negativity that
comes with revealing yourself, you'll find people are more accepting
that you might think.
I'm not flat out saying that everyone who is or thinks they may be
gay/les/bi, should run out announcing it. I wish the world was
tolerant enough to believe that people are more than their labels, but
that sadly isn't true. Well, for advice I don't know that I'm doing
all that well. It's hard enough to have a handle on yourself without
the added stress of feeling attraction to people of the same sex. If
you're straight, you just can't know how hard it is to be overwhelmed
with your feelings. I know that it's not the defining feature of a
person, but sex and love is a vital component of one's self.
How do you know that you may be gay? Well, that's a fairly obvious
question, with a fairly obvious answer. However, 99% of people will
feel an attraction to someone of the same sex at some time in their
lives, but it doesn't mean that they are gay. Animals are bisexual by
nature, with humanity the only mammals that don't regard this as a
normal course of behaviour. We are too hung up on ourselves and our
vision of what is correct and what is deviant to accept differences in
people. If you feel a continued attraction to someone of the same sex,
then odds are you gay. Attracted to both girls and guys, well
bi-sexual is what you are. Likely. I wish I could say things were
black and white, but they just aren't.
Bottom line, assess your friends and your situation, if you feel your
friends would be tolerant then, tell them. It's nothing to be ashamed
of, regardless of what some would have you think. I won't say that if
they truly are your friends they will love you for you, because I know
that is not always true, you wish that you could rely on them to stand
beside you always, but it's hard to know. It's tough to know when the
right time is, but having someone you can talk freely with, and share
your thoughts with takes an intense burden off your mind. Regardless
of whether it's online or at school or work, knowing that you can rely
on someone is a good feeling.
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