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Willow
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By: Willow R.
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I, like many of my friends, spent the summers at
the pools checking out all the hot guys. We would
pick out the hottest three and see who could get
one into jumping off the highest high dive(which
was like one of the high dives at those
competitions). Well the summer that I was 15 the
guys just stopped being the hot ones and I caught
myself checking out girls. At first I denied it
all; I wasn't a lesbian. I had been the first
girl out of all my friends to lose my virginity
(to a boy), I was the one all the boys wanted, I
wasn't a lesbian. That was the worst summer of my
life. At first I could ignore it. Yeah, I looked
at the occasional girl, but that was it. And it
wasn't until my best friend, Danny, caught me
looking at a girl for a bit too long. At first
Danny took it as seeing if she would be
any 'competition' for potiential boyfriends. But
after a while he caught on. Danny wasn't stupid.
Normally I could get really 'spaced out' and
would only answer yes or no questions. That's how
Danny figured that I was a lesbian. Also I had a
cousin, Jennifer, who is a lesbian and she knew
before anyone else, I told her what I was going
through and she told me to follow my heart.
This girl, Taylor, moved to our town. And she
wasn't a man, but she was really hot. My friends
and I invited her to eat lunch with us, she
accepted. After a while Taylor and I became
really close friends. I was driving home from
school one day, with Danny, I got my licenses
when I was 14(it was a hardship), and Danny was
the only one who knew at that time. He was asking
me about Taylor and if I liked her. I said yeah
cause it was the truth. About three months later,
Danny came up to me and told me that I should
tell Taylor how I felt. And I was telling him
that he was so stupid suggesting that. But he
finally convinced me. And I told Taylor. We've
been together for about 4, almost 5 years
now...mainly off and on.
But to the coming out. Most of my close friends
didn't care, because true friends can see past
stuff like that. A couple of them actually
refused to talk to me ever again, but that was
their loss, cause now I have a lot more friends
like me that I met at college. Then there came
coming out to my family. That's the nightmare
part of it all. My family is really, really,
really religious. I have always been the black
sheep when it came to religion; I was an atheist.
The way I saw it is that if God can make someone
the way they are and then punish them for it,
it's wrong. And I also find everything about God
and the Bible questionable. But back to my
family.
The first person I came out to was my cousin, but
I already said that. Jennifer was cool with it
and she still helps me alot. I came out to most
of my cousins before the adults. All of them said
that they suspected and was wondering when I
would come out. Because Jennifer came out before
me it was easier for them to accept. Then I told
me aunts and uncles. One of my uncles said to
me 'Just don't get a butch hair cut.' That's what
I'll remember for rest of my life. Then I told me
mom. My mom and I have never been close. I wasn't
girly enough for her, I would have rather played
sports than paint my toenails. My mom took it
better then I expected. She was a bit taken aback
and didn't know how to talk to me for like a
month. But after she met Taylor a lot changed. My
grandmother is who worried me. Her and I hated
eachother. It was an unwritten thing, no one
questioned it, it was just there. And when I told
her, she went nuts. All kinds of Bible verses
were thrown at me. I cried that night when Taylor
and I got together. She still hasn't forgotten
me.
And if you haven't noticed by now I have left out
everything about my father (I call him Tim so
that's what I'll call him in here too). Well, Tim
had gotten remarried and asked me to be a flower
girl at his wedding when I was 14 after 7 years
of not talking. I said yes, so that I could meet
my step-mom and bro and 2 sisters. Tim and I
never talked and when we did it was just
fighting, him wanting to be the 'daddy' he never
was. I didn't talk to him until I turned 17. The
only reason then was because my half sister,
Callie, had died. He called me on the telly
(telephone) and Taylor had picked up. He asked me
who she was and I didn't tell him. My vow to
myself was that I would tell Tim I was a lesbian
over a Christmas Dinner with Taylor there. Me and
Tim went to the funeral, Tim had never met
Callie, but me and Callie were really close. I
got up and said a few things and then left.
Tim and I didn't talk until the Christmas I was
19. He invited me to Christmas Eve Dinner with
his family. I went and Taylor was with me. That
Christmas is one that everyone will remember.
Both of my step-sisters had kids and my step-
brother had one on the way. We were all gathered
around the dinner table. When I stood up and said
to everyone(4 grandparents, 1 parent and 1
stepparent, 3 step siblings, 3 in laws, 3 nieces
and nephews), "I'm gay and this is my lover since
I was 15, Taylor. I figured that this was the
best time to tell you since everyone was here."
It was a quiet dinner after that. And at about
midnight I heard my siblings and in laws all
talking. Me and Taylor woke up the next morning
and made breakfast. It was a huge breakfast, like
the ones Grandma always makes on Christmas Day.
Everyone actually ate it. After moving it around
on their plates for about 10 minutes. After
eating we all went to open presents. Taylor and I
cuddling on one of the 4 couches in the living
room. After all the presents were opened Tim
stood up and made an announcement, "Willow, I
couldn't be anymore proud of you. You have
followed your dreams and went where you wanted.
It was a shock last night, to all of us. I think
most of us were wondering when you would settle
down. But we were all wrong, you've been settled
down forever." Tim had never told me that he was
proud of me. There was the occasional 'good job'
or 'great work' but never 'I'm proud of you' and
that Christmas Dinner was the last one I spent
with Tim and his family. But I know that my name
being marked off the 'invite list' wasn't his
doing because I always got a phone call at 3 in
the morning Christmas Day.
I'm not exactly a teen anymore, but most of my
story happened in my teen years. It's just a
small portion of a big story. (I'm 20 by the way,
almost 21)
Thanks for taking the time to read my story.
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coming out
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Attention college and high school newspaper writers!!!
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We are always looking for more high quality articles. Please post your submissions here.
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