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My Life as a Gay Teenager
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By: XxCheshireCatoX
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Ever since I was about 14 or so, I knew I
was “different”. I started noticing girls, but I
never really thought anything of it because it
seemed normal to me. I was your average teenager,
and I dated several different guys in high
school. But somehow, there was always something
missing in my relationships, and for some reason,
no matter what guy I was with, I was unhappy. I
never loved any of the guys I dated, which was
rather depressing for me. I was with one guy on
and off over two years, and we were planning on
moving in together. I didn't love him though, and
my senior year of high school, we finally broke
it off.
After me and Dan broke up, I started doing some
thinking about my life, and about what I wanted.
While I was with all these guys, there was one
person I was in love with. She was my best
friend, and she was bisexual. I don't know why,
but even though I was so in love with her, I
always denied the fact that I might be bisexual,
or even the dreaded "L" word I despised. We were
very close, and I chased after her for almost 3
years without success. I stopped talking to her
around the same time I stopped talking to Dan.
Without them both in my life, I realized that I
could never love a man the way I loved my best
friend. It just wasn't the same for me, and it
never would be. I spent the next year getting
over my best friend, and I didn't date anyone.
Now, I am a freshman in college. Things have
gotten a lot clearer than they were before. I
finally came to terms with the fact that I am a
lesbian.
All of my good friends know, now. After I
graduated from high school, I finally admitted to
them that I was gay. I am still not out at work
though, because I work with two family members,
and I am afraid that it may get back to them. I
finally met a girl, and I have never been
happier. I never thought I could be this way with
someone else. I thought this kind of love only
existed in the movies. She makes me so happy, and
I love her so much. We met through some friends
at my university. So, now, after years of
hardship dealing with everything, things are
finally starting to come together for me. The
only obstacle I have left is telling my parents,
which is going to be a difficult feat to say the
least, since they are extremely hateful towards
homosexuals. If I told them right now, I would
probably be thrown out of my house, which
unfortunately, many kids these days can relate
to. I don't understand how someone's parents can
hate their child, their flesh and blood, over
something as trivial as a person's sexuality. But
I guess that just shows you how ignorant the
world really is.
My advice to everyone struggling with their
sexuality would be this: Don't be afraid. Don't
fight it; its something that is inevitable,
whether you like it or not. I tried to be
straight, and it took heaps of failed
relationships for me to see that it just doesn't
work. Last of all, be yourself. If people can't
deal with it, too bad. You are here to stay.
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gsc
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