|
|
|
|
Behind The Curtain
|
|
By: Eugene R. Alejandro
|
|
|
|
Talk about this article
|
|
Read feedback (1)
|
|
|
You’re gay and don’t know what to do about it? Or
you don’t know how to come out? Well, I hope that
by reading this article of mine, will help you to
come out in the right time and perhaps with the
right people. Afraid and confused! We all feel
sometimes like that especially if we’re in the
situation we are in. Fear of rejection from our
families, friends and from those people we love
and care the most. Coming is not that easy. But
we have to do it somehow someday in our lives. We
can’t live a lie about who or what we are. There
is no secrets that cannot be hidden. It might be
hard but you have to be strong and face the
facts. Somehow and some day people you knew will
find out, so you might as well be the first one
to tell them.
I wrote this article based on my experienced in
coming out and I want to share it with you and I
hope that it would give you some insights about
coming out and from then on. This is only from my
point of view. There are some helpful tips about
coming out so I suggest that you take them in
mind or you can ask some friends you knew who is
gay and out and proud. Also, I’m sure that
they’re some groups about gays and lesbians that
offer helps about coming out or anything that
might concern your sexuality. Get involve or
attend a group night where you can learn about
all sorts of stuffs. You have to realise that
homosexuality is not that easy to tackle? You
have to know the ups and downs, negatives and
positives of it all. And you have to know for
yourself how to prevent catching any viruses or
diseases from making any physical contact with
any man. You have to learn and know about the
do’s and don’ts. Also, groups like that can
sometimes encourage you to be strong when facing
a homophobic person. It will also help you how to
handle rejection from others and from those you
love and care the most. I suggest those who read
this article should get more advise about coming
out and learn from each other’s experiences.
One thing you should know is; Are you really gay?
Maybe you’re just confused or something? Do you
know 100% that you are really attracted to the
same sex as you? Some people especially teenagers
find themselves confuse with their sexuality
sometimes, that’s why you have to find out what
you really are and what your destiny is. Some
heterosexuals experience some kind of attraction
with the same sex as them but they don’t have the
same feelings or attraction the way the
homosexuals have towards to the same sex. It’s
okay to say to yourself that the person besides
you is handsome or beautiful. But if you feel any
sexual excitement and the person beside you is
the same sex as you, then I guess you might be
gay or maybe a bi-sexual. Just because you think
someone is cute that doesn’t mean you are gay or
lesbian. You have to realise that we are only
human and our feelings can sometimes deceive us.
Also, I know some people who had experiment with
the same sex and after they find some enjoyment
and satisfaction they themselves became gay. I
have nothing against to that. Each one of us is
allowed to find or choose our own destiny of who
and what we want to become. But we have to take
responsibilities for every action we make and
take.
Okay enough about my introduction and let’s get
back to the topic Coming Out. There so many
things you should know before coming out and I
will only express those here if it’s necessary.
As for me, one of the main things to remember and
to be aware of is rejection. Rejection is the
main issue of why we are afraid to come out.
Homosexuals are afraid to come out because of the
fear of rejection by any family members, friends,
colleagues, or from the people we trust, care and
love the most. Homosexuals can and will sometimes
feel or face some discrimination in their lives.
In most countries, homosexuality is still not
acceptable by their cultures and societies. Most
religions and churches are against to it also.
Homosexuals don’t just face rejections and
discriminations. We also face some anti-gay hate
killings, bashings, teasing from the public and
sometimes from friends, these are only a few but
I can assure you that being homosexual is not
that easy, we face many dilemmas and negative
feed back from others. That is why each of us
(homosexuals) has to be strong and must learn to
deal with these issues.
It is not our fault if we are attracted to same
sex as we are. Our sexuality, emotions and
thoughts are unexplainable. No scientist nor
doctor or therapist can explain of why someone is
attracted to the same sex. And no one knew if
this cause by nature, or if its genetics. But for
us, we don’t really want to know these things.
All we want to know is why everyone can’t accept
and perhaps understand us even more. We didn’t
ask to be born this way; we are just what we are.
We are not a disease that you have to avoid and
hate. We are a normal people just like you only
with something different about us.
I realise that it is easy for a murder to walk on
the street because people might be afraid of them
rather than for a homosexual who gets beaten up
because there’s something different about him. If
you’re gay and reading this you have to know that
these things I said were all true and until now
it’s happening at least every second outside in
the gay community. My friend, our community is
there to help you. Don’t be shy and don’t lose
hope. There is no problem that cannot be solved.
Our community is designed to help people just
like you and me. Our community is there to help
every one of us to make us feel that there is
someone who cares.
You have to take and listen to their advise
regarding coming out because I can tell you from
a personal experience once the word is out it’s
not that going to be easy. For your own benefit
it is, because it feels like a tones of rocks has
been lifted away from you where now you can
breath easily. Coming out is a good thing. Once,
you told to everyone about you, you won’t feel
ashamed about who you are. You won’t feel like
hiding any lies from them, and besides once you
come out that is when you will realise who is
your true friends. And you have to respect all of
your friends and families decisions wether they
want to accept you still or not. You have to
learn to accept their own point of view just the
way you want them to accept and understand you.
Don’t force yourself to those people who won’t
even try to understand who you are now, but make
them see that you are still the same person they
met yesterday.
The main thing you should know is to come out in
the proper time. You can take it step by step.
You don’t have to come out to everyone all at
once. Others prefer to come out with some close
friends first rather than to the whole group.
Others find it easy to come out just to friends
at first rather then to their families. But
whoever you choose to come out with, don’t expect
too much of that person. Keep in mind that there
are some people who are against to it and there
are some that don’t and don’t really mind if they
have a friend gay or lesbian. Be very aware that
coming out must be done with the people you feel
comfortable at first, someone you can share
secrets with, others just prefer to come out to
one person only. In my own personal experience, I
came out with one person first and that person I
haven’t known him for so long but since then we
both became good friends (feel free to ask my web
site and read our story together his name is
Phil). I didn’t know him from a bar of soap but I
came out to him and he kept that secret for so
many years until I came out this year. He’s been
really supportive about these things to me. And
he’s still the same person I met yesterday.
Going back to the topic. When coming out others
might reject you and others might not mind at
all. But please, don’t feel that its only
happening to you. Every homosexual has faced some
rejections and disappointment some time in their
lives. You are not alone and there are many
people out there who feels the same way as you do
and going through with the same thing. Don’t feel
discourage and don’t feel that no one cares.
Don’t have any negative thoughts because one day
it will all soon be over. You might think it’s
not happening yet but I know that some day we
will gain full acceptance from all. It might be
slow and but its worth the wait.
I’ve been in so many rejections from other
friends and from the people I knew but now I have
learn to deal with it and I can tell you that
it’s not my lost. If someone can’t accept you for
who or what you are, the lost is not from you
it’s from them. They lost a friend like you but
you didn’t. When the word is out you now have to
live a new life. You now have to accept who have
you become. You have to live with complete
integrity and pride. You have to set an example
to other people and show them that we are the
same as them.
And when others reject you, don’t let it get to
your head. Move on and there’s always someone out
there who will accept for who you are. You might
encounter some disappointment from others but
that doesn’t mean it will happen all the time. At
first, it might be hard for you to tackle but if
you don’t give up you’ll find at the end that
it’s worth coming out. One of the good reasons to
come out is you don’t have to feel like you’re
lying to all your friends or families. You can
now live everyday and face them without anything
that hinders your relationship to them. And it is
much easier for you once the word is out. We may
never have the same experience but no matter what
we have to be strong and prove to them that our
lifestyle is as good as they.
My last advise to you is “Coming out is not that
easy, come out at the proper time and take things
slowly day by day, don’t rash into anything, and
most importantly make every effort to live a
healthy lifestyle without anything that would
affect of being who you want to be”.
|
|
|
|
gsc
|
|
|
|
|
|
