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What Am I?
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By: AskBen
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Since I've been in sex education for nearly two
years now, I've come across the issue of
sexuality more times than I can remember. I've
had questions from homosexuals, bisexuals,
asexuals, transsexuals, and basically every
other -sexual you can think of.
And after a long time, I've come to see a
pattern. Many, many, many of the questions are
from people, usually teens, writing in with the
good old "Am I gay" question. The circumstance
vary ("I kissed my best same-sex friend" or "I'm
having same-sex thoughts" or whatever), but the
question is always the same--what am I? And after
awhile, these E-mails have come to depress me.
Not because of the question itself--I'm glad to
know that society's moved along enough that
people can at least accept alternative
sexualities enough to admit their existence and
the possibility that, God forbid, even they could
be gay. No, it's not that at all.
It's the tone that bothers me. It's once in a
blue moon that I see an Am-I-Gay question with
the explanation "I'd just like to know so I could
better pursue my true self" or the equivalent.
Instead, the big question is almost always
prefaced and followed by words
like "Please," "Help me," "I'm scared," "I don't
want to be," or "I hate myself." And that, to me,
is very depressing. At first I didn't understand,
but now I think I do.
We--society as a whole--have become far too
preoccupied with the labels. We care so much
about running around, weeding all the gays out of
the closet and slapping the word "homosexual"
across them that we've lost sight of what
sexuality is. It isn't about little categories
like heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual. It isn't
about who wears the pink triangle and has their
right ear pierced, who has effeminate gestures,
who has a rainbow necklace. It isn't about
categories. It's about people. Sexuality is like
a spectrum, with 100% hetero on one side and 100%
homosexual on the other. There's a huge gray area
in the middle, once which most people won't or
can't accept the existence of. Some people are
attracted to both sexes, but only one sex
romantically. Some are attracted to both
romantically and sexually, but one more than the
other. Some just aren't attracted to anyone.
Humans are too varied to label. But we try
anyone. And therein lies the problem.
Most of these kids are so scared about being the
dreaded g-word because of what they're taught.
Look at society. Though we preach acceptance, we
still act in discrimination--gays can't get
married, every situational comedy on TV now has
the token stereotype gay man to act silly and get
people to laugh, and many people still treat
bi/homosexuals as strange, alien, dirty
creatures. And our kids see that and absorb it.
So when puberty comes along and they, as a large
quantity of normal teens do, start wondering
about same-sex experimentation, it all comes
back, and becomes destructive. And it could all
be avoided if people would stop fearing and
assigning the labels, and just accept. Everyone
is different. We have different hair, eyes,
voices, walks, tastes, styles... why not
sexualities? Sexuality is about love and about
pleasure and what makes you happy. Why question
it? Stop labeling, start living. Just pursue
whomever makes you happy, male or female, and let
others do the same. It's that simple.
The day that I will jump for joy is the day that
someone can respond to the question "What is your
sexuality" by simply replying "Mine."
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gsc
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