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Read Gay/les/bi Advice
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| Topic: |
School |
| Date: |
April 27, 2010 |
| ari asks: |
| i am getting hell for being bi
heres wat happened i told one of my guy friends and then he told his gf and she told the fucking 8th grade almost everyone knows and im being taunted and jeered at constantly |
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| rickweber says: |
I'm sorry to hear that. Kids can be incredibly cruel and I'm sure that the comments are hurtful. What I suggest you do is (1) make note of when these comments happen, who makes them, and when does it happen. (2) Tell a trusted adult- a parent, teacher, school counselor, or principal about what's going on. (3) If you fear for your personal safety, stay with a close friend when you walk to classes or go to the bathroom. (4) Don't give them the satisfaction- hold your head up and don't let them upset you. Don't be a bully back.
Unfortunately one of the risks of coming out is that other people may out you. It's incredibly important that you tell people who you can trust who will keep it to themselves. In the future be careful about who you tell and make sure you tell them to keep it to themselves. You're telling them because you're revealing an important aspect of yourself to only them, not everybody. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
April 15, 2010 |
| Nododyspecial asks: |
| So I am really scared and confused right now. Im 13 year old boy and i think im straight. But lately i have really been doubting my sexuality. I have this friend and i think im attracted to him. I dont have sexual fantasies about him but i do like to touch him (not sexually) and be near him. i often touch him and bother him yet i have now desire to be sexual with him. i watch gay porn and i like it but i could never imagine myself with a boy. Im into girls and i like girls. I live in a really restricted area where most people are very homophobic. Im afraid to even think im gay because i am terrified of hell so. Help
-Nobody |
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| bretth4 says: |
It sounds like you've got a little bit of puppy love going on, but try not to make too much of it. You're too young to be worrying about labels like gay and straight. I now consider myself to be completely gay and until I was 14 I was attracted to women. Give it some time and it will start to feel more natural, no matter what you end up identifying as later in life.
In short: don't stress about it, because whether you end up being gay or straight, you have a rich and full life ahead of you :) |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
April 03, 2010 |
| lconfused asks: |
| hey im a 14 year old girl and ive been confused about my sexual orientation since i was 9 years old.when i was 9 i kissed and made out with my best friend who was a girl.We even kissed each other on the private parts.Ive been really confused ever since.I had crushes on guys so I knew i couldnt be gay.But I had my first crush on another girl when I was 12 and I just thought I was bi.I've liked plenty of other girls and guys but I never had a boyfriend or girlfriend.Now I'm not even sure if I like guys now I'm in love with my straight best friend who's a girl and i love her so much that i think that i might just like girls.I seem to be more turned on by girls than guys nowadays. I have a friend whos bi and a girl and we like eachother but we're not dating she already has a boyfriend so I'm not sure if i should ask her out or not.I am so confsued I dont know what to do :( i know i shouldnt label myself but still I'm confused I just dont want to label myself |
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| axedmoon says: |
Well, since she's not available to date.. you should hold off. You don't have to label yourself. Don't worry. There isn't a sexuality police coming over and asking you what you are. Labeling is for yourself so only do it when you're ready, okay? You're still young. Some people don't figure it out until they're in their 20s!
Give it time. Sort out your feelings, and you can explore them later. =) |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
March 28, 2010 |
| MATRIX777 asks: |
| Hey I am not exactly new to this site I have been a member since last october and I know most ppl in the glb room and student chat. I am 16 and I live in georgia in athens so I am about 70 miles north of Atlanta. I am currently in 10th grade and I am gay but heres the thing. First off the problem I am having is I honstly feel totlay alone in this school. I mean I know according to statictics that there should be another gay person in the schoool somewhere but I dont know any. I feel totaly alone and honstly I just want a friend like me. I mean I have a group of very supportive friends but none of them share that quality. For me to not know anyone like that I fell like an outcast even though no on knows I am that way. I have tried googling groups within the area but they are all college based. I have also put up somethin on the forms here but it wasent very much help. I honstly am not looknig to date just to have a freind I can relate to on the subject. I mean when I talk to my friends who know I am gay I know they are trying to help me out but they just dont understand it. I mean they try but its just not that helpful. I am at a lost and I have no idea where to look. Also my school does not have a GLB group and I think if I even tried to start one my school would probbaly shoot down the idea (but dont quote me on that one plus I am in scouts and I dont want to risk getting kicked because homosexuals arent allowed in boy scouts of America). So basically how do I find friends like me within this general area. I mean I am willing to dirve 30 mins just to go to a group but Atlanta is just out of my reach. Any help would be appricated. |
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| bretth4 says: |
| I can definitely sympathize with your situation, since i went to a catholic all-boys high school. During my four years of high school there was only one openly gay student. The point being, that there are some schools where there just aren't going to be a lot of people willing to be open about their sexuality. I know how lonely it can be to not have any gay friends, but it might just be a reality of your high school experience. You can look on local gay youth websites or try to find a local gay community center where you can meet other guys your age. Failing that, just know that there are tons of other guys in your exact same situation, and things will get better soon. |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
March 21, 2010 |
| AussieDuke asks: |
| I don't really know any other place to ask this, I guess this's the only one I think that fits.
Two weeks ago my boyfriend hung himself. It hurts alot and there were alot of things I never got to say to him. The problem I have is that I can't feel like I'm movng forward unless I'm with someone, and this someone is someone special. I don't want to hurt him by piling my emotional baggage onto this guy or by hurting him when I'm in a downward spiral. I feel so guilty for needing this, but even when I get over that, how do you tell someone everything else? |
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| rickweber says: |
First I want to acknowledge your loss and say that I'm really, really sorry. As somebody who has been in the next room for 3 suicide attempts, it is incredibly hurtful & horrifying. Fortunately for me, all 3 survived. I'm sorry he did not, and I hope you don't feel like it was your fault or that you could have done something to save him.
My advice to you is this: take some time to heal. If you're worried about bringing baggage into a relationship, then do what you can to put your life into a stable place. I don't feel like anybody could be in a stable place after their lover just committed suicide. I would really recommend sitting down with a therapist who can help you through the grieving process. There are also groups for survivors of suicide, many of the members are made of those who are left behind following the suicide of a loved one. Please checking out some of the resources on suicide by going here: http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=317314
Something else that concerned me about what you said is that you don't feel like you're moving forward unless you are with someone. I can tell you that relying on someone else to move you forward will cause you a lot of heartache. That sort of dependency can be extremely unhealthy put a lot of pressure on ANY relationship.
I really would like to see you give yourself the opportunity to properly grieve your loss. I would also like to see you work with someone on the dependency issues. Take care of yourself first, work on getting to a stable place in your life, then consider dating someone. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
March 01, 2010 |
| hardproblem asks: |
| Ok, I am new to this site. I am new to telling people and expressing my feelings. I am not one to usually fall to options such as these for advice and things, but I need someone, anyone that is totally outside of my situation. I am a boy,17 and am a junior. We will just say I am bi right now.
Last July I got involved sexually with a boy, his name is Jeff. Jeff and I have been in a on/off relationship since last July. We are both not out. Jeff and I dated for a week back in July, and this is when we had our first sexual experiences with each other. I have a fatal attraction to Jeff that he does not share for me. Right now I have a girlfriend who I have had for a month, but I have not been able to stop thinking about Jeff. He also has a girlfriend but he cheated on her with me for three months. A month ago, Jeff cut off all sexual relations with me.
I know that we both have girlfriends, but there is something about him that I cannot get out of my head. It is a feeling much like love. We make eye contact often and it feels so right. I am afraid I would cheat on my girlfriend for him. I am not sure if this is all pointing toward me being gay or what, but I just want to approach him about how I feel for him but I await certain rejection if I tell him how I feel. This is how it has been for the past 7 months, eh is so sensitive about these types of things that I could not truly tell him how I feel. I want to get over him, but part of me wants to stay attached to him. February was the first month since July that we had not had sex. It is killing me. I don't know what to do. |
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| rickweber says: |
I think part of you is hopeful that somehow magically things will turn around: he'll feel the same way about you as you do about him, he'll leave his gf, and he'll be with you. However, you say that he does appear to like you as much as you like him, you both are cheating on your partners, and you worry that he'll reject you. Is that what love looks like for you? Don't you want a partner who likes you back and wants to be with you too? I would seriously think about that before pursuing this any further.
I also feel the need to mention your worry about cheating on your current partner. If you need to sort this out with him, don't put her through that. She deserves fairness and a partner who really wants to be with her too. She certainly doesn't deserve unfaithfulness. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
February 12, 2010 |
| Wanderer asks: |
| Ok. Im fairly new to this site but im been dieing to get some new advice on how to get this guy to admit something to me. Im 16 years old and currently in the 10th grade. Theres this guy i met in band my freshman year and i didnt think i was going to feel anything for him and i didnt my freshman year, but then come this year something happened. I dont know what but something just stuck out to me something i liked about him. I didnt want to admit it but i had to because i have never felt this way about a person before. Hes straight but my question is why does he look into my eyes like no one else. Why does he hug me like hes hugging a girl. Wrapping his arms my head like im his?? Why does he stand so close to me like you want to hold me.
He did this so much when he was in band with me and my friends. To him im straight but to my best friend that happens to be a girl im gay.
Recently like yesterday my best friend told him how i felt. He said he was ok with it and that was the end of the confirsation. i didnt get it. why didnt he say antyhhing else. I dont know but i need to know the trueth about him about him but i dont know how i could talk to him now after he knows how i feel. I know all i have to do is talk to him but how could i when im so shy...
I just want to know what he realy thinks?? Can you help.. Thanks for the help! |
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| rickweber says: |
I think you already know what to do, go talk to him! You're not going to find out how he feels until you do. And, if he has something to say about you're liking him, I think he's rather say it to you rather than your friend.
I do think it's important to consider that it's possible you may be construing things to your liking. When we're uncertain if someone likes us back, we look for any sign that could be a sign of reciprocal liking. Your interpretation of these "signs" may not be accurate. From your end, you might feel this deep, affectionate connection with him. However, that may not be his experience. To him, he's simply hugging an acquaintance.
It sounds like there is at least an opportunity for friendship with this person. Regardless of whether he likes you the same way you like him, nothing can develop if you don't talk to him! |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
February 08, 2010 |
| confuzzled asks: |
| hey im 14 and ive kissed a friend of the same sex a few years back.she said it was a sign of friendship but it felt like much more.we kissed multiple times,she wanted to and im just wondering can kissing the same sex count as your first kiss?because i thought u had to kiss a member of the opposite sex in order for it to be a first kiss.so would that count as my first kiss? |
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| axedmoon says: |
| It can count as your first kiss. If it matters to you, and it was a real kiss to you, then it was your first kiss. :) |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
February 08, 2010 |
| confuzzled asks: |
| hey im 14 and ive kissed a friend of the same sex a few years back.she said it was a sign of friendship but it felt like much more.we kissed multiple times,she wanted to and im just wondering can kissing the same sex count as your first kiss?because i thought u had to kiss a member of the opposite sex in order for it to be a first kiss.so would that count as my first kiss? |
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| axedmoon says: |
| If it's a kiss to you, it counts as your first kiss. It doesn't matter upon gender. :) |
|
| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 01, 2010 |
| perfectlyflawed6977 asks: |
| i've always known that i was different. when i was 6 my first little kid "boyfriend" was well, a "girlfriend". and i always saw it as normal.
i only had the one girlfriend until high schooland i dated boys to be normal. or what everyone saw to be normal. i came out as bisexual my junior year, and i lost some friends, but gained new ones.
so ive been thru the coming out to friends and dating girls and being well, just happy and carefree, but i never told my family.
now i am 20 years old, and ive been dating the same guy for two years. we live together, and its not that im not attracted to him. and i love him with all of my heart, but it sometimes just doesnt feel right. i feel more comfortable around other gays and lesbians than anyone else. and i frequently think about being with women instead of him. is this wrong? is it possible that i decided that labeling myself as bisexual was the only way to be normal? is it possible that im just gay and terrified?
i love my boyfriend, and i love being with him, and i dont want to hurt him by any means, but sometimes i just feel wrong.
any advice? |
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| rickweber says: |
I think you need to explore this nagging feeling more. You say that in the past you've dated boys in the past to "be normal." Did this play into your decision to enter into this relationship? Are you trying to please your immediate family by being with him? What about the relationship doesn't "feel right?" If this relationship is incongruent with who you are and what you want, what function does it serve to stay in it? Is it not unfair to him to stay in a relationship that may not be right for you?
I can't tell you what your feelings are, I'm not sure you even know. I can tell you that your nagging feeling is worth exploring. I also think it may be helpful for you to hang out/talk with other LGBT people. You can make a profile on SCN and post in our LGBT forum. I would also consider seeking out support from trustworthy friends. You might also consider seeking support from a therapist. Sometimes talking to someone outside of your relationship & inner circle can bring clarity. |
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