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Read Gay/les/bi Advice
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
July 05, 2010 |
| Helpp! asks: |
| Im a 15 year old guy and im not sure if im bi or gay. I know for a fact that i like guys but i dont know if i like girls. I just recently had a girlfriend and yesterday we went to the movies together. She was all over me the whole movie. I hated it. I felt like i wanted to cry. I dont know if it was the fact that i just met her the day before, if she was ugly, or if i just dont like girls. So heres the question. Am i bisexual or am i gay? |
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| rickweber says: |
| I can't tell you what you are, that's something for you to continue exploring. I can tell you that nobody likes to be smothered by someone they hardly know. If being with this person doesn't feel right, then stop going out with them. |
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| Topic: |
Family |
| Date: |
June 04, 2010 |
| jaymotkd asks: |
| I'm a gay teenager in Athens, Georgia who is out to some friends but not to any family. It's really tearing us apart because me not being able to tell them I'm gay makes me feel unable to trust them and tell them anything. I can't come out to them, because they are old fashioned and very religious and would just send me away to one of those conversion camps. =/ I'm really tired of it and I just don't know how I'm going to cope till I graduate in 2 years. |
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| rickweber says: |
Living in secrecy is very stressful but you're not alone. Often many people wait until they achieve a more independent life to tell others. Some people don't ever tell their family. However, this doesn't mean you have to allow this to affect EVERY aspect of your relationship with your family. While you may not be able to tell them now doesn't mean you can't share other aspects of your life with them or trust them on many issues.
How can you cope? Hopefully you have friends who you can share that aspect of your life with. Also seeking out support by attending your local GSA and/or pride center can be helpful as well. It's a great chance to meet new people and make friends. |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
May 24, 2010 |
| =/ asks: |
| Hello there! So I've been out for a couple of years, in the sense than I know I'm not simply heterosexual. I've spend a lot of time in the qmmunity, though I don't really know WHAT I am. I'd be comfortable saying I'm pansexual, because I do feel for any sex, any person. Truly, however, it's more like a never ending current. I'm attracted to everyone. Almost every person I see, I'm either sexually attracted or romantically attracted to them. I just wonder if if there IS a orientation like this, or am I just a really intense pansexual? You're advice is appreciated! |
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| bretth4 says: |
| Well sexuality is a strange thing and anything is possible. If you feel this way, then its a valid orientation. We understand very little about human sexuality, and i wouldn't be at all surprised if your omnisexuality turned out to be a fairly common thing. My advice is this, don't worry about social labels and just live your life. If people ask, just say that you're bisexual and leave it at that. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
May 18, 2010 |
| imcluelessylost asks: |
| okay so first off im 17 a senior in HS and i guess i consider myself gay, but i like this guy. He's my age but hes a junior and at first i was like hes cute and stuff, but now....i dont know im falling for him, its like we glance at each other every now an then, plus i dont wanna ASSUME hes gay ( everyone thinks he is by the way ) since he looks like a typical straight boy, to me at least, and he denys it also. school is almost over in like 2 months and i havent spoke to him, the most i said to him was happy birthday on facebook. i just want to get close to him maybe hang out over the summer at least but im those shy, not out yet but everybody basically knows im gay kids and ive been thinking about talking to him for a while but i dont know what to say. i was thinking of sending him a message or something on facebook but i just dont want to offend him or make him feel awkward since i do stil have to see him everday. i would ask my friends but when i try i just back out because i dont want to jinx it or whatever and end up nothing happening which i usually do. i always feel his eyes on me and i always look at him discreetly and i feel like IF he does like me im pushing him away and i dont want that. i dont look back because i get nervous. i just regret not doing anything everytime i see him walk by me. i've never really been with a guy before and these feelings could be because im just lonely or whatever but i want to try this time. i am just really confused and would appreciate the help please. |
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| rickweber says: |
Start off with a hello and a smile when you see him. Go and talk to him when he's at lunch sometime. You can expect nothing if you do nothing, so do something!
Also, be aware of your expectations. You don't know this person and you haven't even spoken to him. Don't get too far ahead of yourself. Start off with a hello first. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
May 17, 2010 |
| help me asks: |
| hello im a young woman and am feeling really gay.i always felt i was gay but because of the discrimination thing, i tried to fight it,only to end up in very uncomfortable "hetero" relationships.im scared as heck to come out and date.well lately i been on a lesbian chat room.but all the lesbians seem really set on chat rooms not being a place to meet girls,evan though some of them have and are dating eachother.well im new and i get alot of attention,but every girl i think im in a friendship with,just "mysteriously" backs away from me.im almost convinced someone on the chat is telling the girls not to date or befriend me, but i dont know who or why.whoever this person is obviosly has a big role in this chat room and is "worshiped" if that isnt a too strong of a word.there are a few regulars that's been members for over ten years and i know its one of them, but not sure which one.i said all that too ask is there a better way of meeting girls with out having to be exposed?im not ready to come out, until i know im gay.i still dont feel 100% about my gayness...thnx sorry so long |
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| rickweber says: |
Yes, there are better and more discreet ways to meet other people than chat rooms. While the internet community has value, I'd suggest attending one of the queer-straight alliance groups in your area or a group at your local LGBTQ center. They can be very beneficial for people who are in a questioning stage and may be able to point you to some resources. You are not alone.
Check out the link below for some resources
http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=317314
Also consider becoming a member of student.com. We do have a LGBTQ forum where members ask questions, talk to other members, post about their daily lives and what's on their mind. |
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| Topic: |
School |
| Date: |
April 27, 2010 |
| ari asks: |
| i am getting hell for being bi
heres wat happened i told one of my guy friends and then he told his gf and she told the fucking 8th grade almost everyone knows and im being taunted and jeered at constantly |
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| rickweber says: |
I'm sorry to hear that. Kids can be incredibly cruel and I'm sure that the comments are hurtful. What I suggest you do is (1) make note of when these comments happen, who makes them, and when does it happen. (2) Tell a trusted adult- a parent, teacher, school counselor, or principal about what's going on. (3) If you fear for your personal safety, stay with a close friend when you walk to classes or go to the bathroom. (4) Don't give them the satisfaction- hold your head up and don't let them upset you. Don't be a bully back.
Unfortunately one of the risks of coming out is that other people may out you. It's incredibly important that you tell people who you can trust who will keep it to themselves. In the future be careful about who you tell and make sure you tell them to keep it to themselves. You're telling them because you're revealing an important aspect of yourself to only them, not everybody. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
April 15, 2010 |
| Nododyspecial asks: |
| So I am really scared and confused right now. Im 13 year old boy and i think im straight. But lately i have really been doubting my sexuality. I have this friend and i think im attracted to him. I dont have sexual fantasies about him but i do like to touch him (not sexually) and be near him. i often touch him and bother him yet i have now desire to be sexual with him. i watch gay porn and i like it but i could never imagine myself with a boy. Im into girls and i like girls. I live in a really restricted area where most people are very homophobic. Im afraid to even think im gay because i am terrified of hell so. Help
-Nobody |
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| bretth4 says: |
It sounds like you've got a little bit of puppy love going on, but try not to make too much of it. You're too young to be worrying about labels like gay and straight. I now consider myself to be completely gay and until I was 14 I was attracted to women. Give it some time and it will start to feel more natural, no matter what you end up identifying as later in life.
In short: don't stress about it, because whether you end up being gay or straight, you have a rich and full life ahead of you :) |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
April 03, 2010 |
| lconfused asks: |
| hey im a 14 year old girl and ive been confused about my sexual orientation since i was 9 years old.when i was 9 i kissed and made out with my best friend who was a girl.We even kissed each other on the private parts.Ive been really confused ever since.I had crushes on guys so I knew i couldnt be gay.But I had my first crush on another girl when I was 12 and I just thought I was bi.I've liked plenty of other girls and guys but I never had a boyfriend or girlfriend.Now I'm not even sure if I like guys now I'm in love with my straight best friend who's a girl and i love her so much that i think that i might just like girls.I seem to be more turned on by girls than guys nowadays. I have a friend whos bi and a girl and we like eachother but we're not dating she already has a boyfriend so I'm not sure if i should ask her out or not.I am so confsued I dont know what to do :( i know i shouldnt label myself but still I'm confused I just dont want to label myself |
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| axedmoon says: |
Well, since she's not available to date.. you should hold off. You don't have to label yourself. Don't worry. There isn't a sexuality police coming over and asking you what you are. Labeling is for yourself so only do it when you're ready, okay? You're still young. Some people don't figure it out until they're in their 20s!
Give it time. Sort out your feelings, and you can explore them later. =) |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
March 28, 2010 |
| MATRIX777 asks: |
| Hey I am not exactly new to this site I have been a member since last october and I know most ppl in the glb room and student chat. I am 16 and I live in georgia in athens so I am about 70 miles north of Atlanta. I am currently in 10th grade and I am gay but heres the thing. First off the problem I am having is I honstly feel totlay alone in this school. I mean I know according to statictics that there should be another gay person in the schoool somewhere but I dont know any. I feel totaly alone and honstly I just want a friend like me. I mean I have a group of very supportive friends but none of them share that quality. For me to not know anyone like that I fell like an outcast even though no on knows I am that way. I have tried googling groups within the area but they are all college based. I have also put up somethin on the forms here but it wasent very much help. I honstly am not looknig to date just to have a freind I can relate to on the subject. I mean when I talk to my friends who know I am gay I know they are trying to help me out but they just dont understand it. I mean they try but its just not that helpful. I am at a lost and I have no idea where to look. Also my school does not have a GLB group and I think if I even tried to start one my school would probbaly shoot down the idea (but dont quote me on that one plus I am in scouts and I dont want to risk getting kicked because homosexuals arent allowed in boy scouts of America). So basically how do I find friends like me within this general area. I mean I am willing to dirve 30 mins just to go to a group but Atlanta is just out of my reach. Any help would be appricated. |
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| bretth4 says: |
| I can definitely sympathize with your situation, since i went to a catholic all-boys high school. During my four years of high school there was only one openly gay student. The point being, that there are some schools where there just aren't going to be a lot of people willing to be open about their sexuality. I know how lonely it can be to not have any gay friends, but it might just be a reality of your high school experience. You can look on local gay youth websites or try to find a local gay community center where you can meet other guys your age. Failing that, just know that there are tons of other guys in your exact same situation, and things will get better soon. |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
March 21, 2010 |
| AussieDuke asks: |
| I don't really know any other place to ask this, I guess this's the only one I think that fits.
Two weeks ago my boyfriend hung himself. It hurts alot and there were alot of things I never got to say to him. The problem I have is that I can't feel like I'm movng forward unless I'm with someone, and this someone is someone special. I don't want to hurt him by piling my emotional baggage onto this guy or by hurting him when I'm in a downward spiral. I feel so guilty for needing this, but even when I get over that, how do you tell someone everything else? |
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| rickweber says: |
First I want to acknowledge your loss and say that I'm really, really sorry. As somebody who has been in the next room for 3 suicide attempts, it is incredibly hurtful & horrifying. Fortunately for me, all 3 survived. I'm sorry he did not, and I hope you don't feel like it was your fault or that you could have done something to save him.
My advice to you is this: take some time to heal. If you're worried about bringing baggage into a relationship, then do what you can to put your life into a stable place. I don't feel like anybody could be in a stable place after their lover just committed suicide. I would really recommend sitting down with a therapist who can help you through the grieving process. There are also groups for survivors of suicide, many of the members are made of those who are left behind following the suicide of a loved one. Please checking out some of the resources on suicide by going here: http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=317314
Something else that concerned me about what you said is that you don't feel like you're moving forward unless you are with someone. I can tell you that relying on someone else to move you forward will cause you a lot of heartache. That sort of dependency can be extremely unhealthy put a lot of pressure on ANY relationship.
I really would like to see you give yourself the opportunity to properly grieve your loss. I would also like to see you work with someone on the dependency issues. Take care of yourself first, work on getting to a stable place in your life, then consider dating someone. |
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