The Gay Student Center Web Community and Resource for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Questioning College Students and Teens

For a while i was stuggling with my sexuality because all my life I had been told that homosexuality was wrong. I always knew I had feelings for girls but I suppressed them until I grew up realized that it wasn't wrong but I still felt discriminated against. The first person I came out to was someone from LIGALY (a GLBTQ youth center on Long Island) and then to the social worker at my school... I then cut my hair really short, not cuz im butch or anything << not that thats a bad thing but im just not but just because I like short hair and i was constantly called "lesbian" and "dyke" even though no one knew so I figured it was better to stay in the closet at school... my only friends were Nikki, Lleana, and Elise and I went to dance with them. One night I was outside smoking a ciggarette with nikki and we were sitting in our friends car alone and we got into the conversation about the day of silence which i was doing at school with STOP (student and teachers opposing prejudice) and i was like ya know im not gay or anything ya know im just doing it at school because I didnt want anyone to know yet, especially her because i was madly in love with her. All of a sudden she goes "oh, I'm bi" so i freaked out and went "oh, I am too" and it was awesome then it sucked because she goes "yea, im going out with lleana" (my other best friend) so i was pretty much sucked but they were obviously cool with me or whatever so finally I had someone to talk to about it. After that I came out to all myf riends and continue to do that to this day.. The only people Im not out to are my family...

WHy im not out to my family...

I had written a letter one night to my social worker when I was extremely depressed just to vent about things... never planning on giving it to her. It was in my bag and my mom "picked it up after it fell on the floor"... yea sure, more like took it ouit of my bag and READ IT.. but it said like, everything... my parents did not react positively.. they asked what had "made me" this way and what they had done to me to make me this way and who else that made me this way. My mother would even corner me in the car while we were moving so i couldnt get out... it was like constant hysterics. Eventually i broke and told her it was a phase... she said she believed me but I know she doesnt believe me.. oh well I don't care. im proud of who I am and no one can take that away.

Jane