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When I came out to my parents I did it without having read any material about it. I just wanted to finally let them know, see what would happen, and see what kind of support they would have to offer me, if any. I didn't completely know for sure what I was at the time. I'm only a little more confident now (June 1999.) It was winter break from my freshman year at college. I decided that it was time to let mom in on something that I was having thoughts about. You see, my parents and I have always been real close. Yes, you could call me a mama's boy. Anyway, I went downstairs to where she was sitting at the computer, typing away at an e-mail. "Mom, I need to talk." It wasn't easy at all, in fact, I more or less stumbled on words and my throat wouldn't let my voice speak.

She asked me questions "Did you drink?" "Did you have sex?" etc. etc. Then some burst of energy forced out my 19 year-old mouth "I'm gay." S-H-O-C-K was clearly written on her face, and then she kinda smiled a weird smile, in denial and confusion. She was wondering if I really knew what I was talking about. She thought that I had been "brainwashed" by my online buddies. She felt that I really didn't know what I was saying and that I needed more time to "figure myself out." She said that I had no 'experience'. That is, I had never went out with a girl, or a guy, before. She was worried that I was trying to find a label for myself too quickly. Later we all had a talk, mom, dad, and I, and they were asking questions and stuff. They asked me "How do you know?" I replied "I don't know." Now that I look back on it, I think that was wrong. Mostly because it plants a seed of doubt, and perhaps even hope, in their mind that I really don't know what I'm talking about.

My mom, after having thought about it and really cooling down, they were never mad, just really startled, was really glad that I told her though. She said that my being able to come to her and talk to her made her feel great because she knows that no matter what, I STILL feel I can come talk to her, and that made her feel good. Judge your own parents for yourself. I have a friend who told his parents and they said "they knew all along." I have another friend who's mother found out on accident and just doesn't talk about it. They don't dare tell his father. It's something I couldn't really live with anymore, keeping away from my parents.

Finally, my mom made me realize that she'll back me 100%. She just wanted me to know that if I do 'choose' this way that it's difficult. She told me that when I first told her, that the first thought she had in her mind was the murder of Matthew Shepard. She wanted me to know how much she worries. I understand. It made me a little angry, if you will, that she used the word "choose." I guess that's the "still questioning" side of me.

To keep this story moving, in the 'end' they told me to give it time. "Don't shut out a part of my life that I haven't had the chance to experience yet." I agreed. They gave me time to go and "explore" for lack of better term. I somehow know, I unfortunately can't explain it, that I'm gay. I can't explain why I look at a guy and just posess these deeper feelings for him. Girls just don't "appeal" to me. Sigh. One thing before I go on, I *did* answer all their questions. Their questions got tough too. In their hopes to figure out WHY, they were asking stuff like "Do you look at other guys," whether or not I'm attracted to specific body parts, etc. I honestly answered all those questions. I don't know where I got the guts, but let me tell you, if I didn't answer them honestly, I would have been wrecking MY OWN life and my own chances therein. I had to be truthful to mySELF.

When, and if you finally decide to come out to your parents. Make sure you're prepared. Make sure you know enough to be confident about yourself, it helps, or at least be able to answer their questions without leaving any uncertainty like I did. Never come out when you're fighting. For example, everyone is uptight and angry and you blurt out, "Well, I'm very distraught now because..." That's just the wrong time. This is a delicate matter that has be to taken on seriously and carefully. Do what you FEEL is right. Follow your heart, follow your instinct. Don't let anything get you down. If they don't support you now, perhaps they will later. Take it easy, but make sure you talk to SOMEONE. Talk to a sibling you trust, a friend, a new pen-pal, I don't know. You know yourself best, and you should make sure you're aware of all your "options."

My parents said they'll still love me no matter what, and will stick up for me no matter what. Just take it easy, take care.