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Well, when I was 10 or 11, I realized that I was attracted to guys when my friend started hitting on me. I didn't pay too much attention to it, even though I had always thought he was cute. About a year later I finally realized that I was gay, and I had accepted myself for who I was. I didn't tell anybody about it, because I was still scared of what people would think of me.

The next year, when I was in the 7th grade, I started coming out. First I told my brother, and he didn't care at all. We used to be really close. Then I slowly started telling my close friends, and relatives. I finally came out to some of my friends, and all my cousins knew. I still haven't come out to my mom, or anybody else in my family.

After I became pretty much "totally out" outside of my family, I realized that I had to tell my mom. I was so scared to. I didn't want to tell my dad, because he hates homosexuals, and that's what really ate me up inside. I mean, I never have liked my dad, but I still didn't want him to freak out about the fact that his oldest son is gay. For about 2 or 3 weeks I thought about when and how I was going to tell my mom. I had even tried telling her a few times during those weeks. It was really eating me up inside! I couldn't take it any longer, so I finally told her.

I was on the computer, and my mom was on the phone. I was talking to one of my good friends about me trying to tell my mom. She finally got me to go over to my mom and tell her. I sat down on the couch next to my mom and said "Mom, when you're off the phone, we need to talk. It's important." Then she told whoever she was talking to that she had to go, and my mind went a total blank. I couldn't even hear myself thinking. And I said it. I just sat there, not thinking at all, saying "Mom, I'm gay." I didn't even hear myself say it. My heart was pounding so much. I was scared to death of what she might do or say. But she just sat there and started crying. She told me that it's okay and she's totally cool with it and that she had already known for quite a while. I kinda knew she had already known I am gay, but I was still scared. We were both crying and talking for a while. She kept telling me that it's totally ok with her and that she loves me just the same. I told her that I'm scared, and I'm scared of what dad will do when he finds out. She told me not to worry about it. She said she won't tell him until I'm ready, and if he freaks out when I do tell him, that she'll deal with him.

I was still crying though. And worried about my dad. I still haven't told him, and I don't know when I will tell him. Now that I'm pretty much "totally out" I feel a lot better. I don't care what people think of me, or say to me. Everyone that I have told so far is totally cool with it, and they don't care at all! Now I just need to work on telling the rest of my family. That's a whole different story because most of my extended family is very religious, and I'm not too sure how they would react to me being gay.

Adam (http://www.lilnurd14.com)
*~-the NeRD-~*